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Every time I fly and am forced to remove my shoes, I'm grateful Richard Reid
is not known as the Underwear Bomber.
— Douglas Manuel, aerospace executive regards airport security. Reported in USA
Today, 13 March 2003.
WHY I WANT TO BE A PILOT
When I grow up I want to be a pilot because it's a fun job and easy to do.
That's why there are so many pilots flying around these days.
Pilots don't need much school. They just have to learn to read numbers so they
can read their instruments.
I guess they should be able to read a road map, too.
Pilots should be brave to they won't get scared it it's foggy and they can't
see, or if a wing or motor falls off.
Pilots have to have good eyes to see through the clouds, and they can't be
afraid of thunder or lightning because they are much closer to them than we are.
The salary pilots make is another thing I like. They make more money than they
know what to do with. This is because most people think that flying a plane is
dangerous, except pilots don't because they know how easy it is.
I hope I don't get airsick because I get carsick and if I get airsick, I
couldn't be a pilot and then I would have to go to work.
— purported to have been written by a fifth grade student at Jefferson School,
Beaufort, SC. It was first published in the South Carolina Aviation News.
Blind Pilots
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated
waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.
The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking
up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot
is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles
down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered
with sunglasses.
At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of
practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the
airplane begins moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering
among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.
Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some
passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of
the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.
When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden
change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last
moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot:
"You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we
aren't going to know when to take off!"
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed
entirely of lost airline luggage.
— Mark Russell
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